Dinner Theater: The Couple Up

Dinner Theater 11

               INT. BRAVIOS RESTAURANT - CORAL GABLES FLORIDA

               Anthony, Jb, Kyle, Lola, Kim and Kyle sit in the dimly lit
               restaurant in a back booth near the kitchen. In the middle of
               their meal Anthony sees an old lady walk up to a family
               sitting at their table and kiss a young girl. The young girl
               pulls away as if she does not want to kiss the old lady, but
               the old lady continues on anyway.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Why, why do we force ourselves to
                         do the kiss hello.

                                   KIM
                         What's the big deal?

                                   ANTHONY
                         The big deal is what if I don't
                         want to kiss the person. Worse yet,
                         what if it's a stranger I just met.
                         Do I have to kiss a stranger.

                                   JB
                         I'd think any chance to kiss a girl
                         would be a plus for you.

               JB looks over at Clara.

                                   JB (CONT'D)
                         You know what I mean.

               Lola punches JB in the arm.

                                   CLARA
                         I agree with Anthony.

               Lola looks surprised.

                                   LOLA
                         You do?

                                   CLARA
                         Yeah. I had this uncle, horrible
                         breath, smelled like you stuck a
                         pack of cigarettes up your but and
                         then lit them. He would always
                         force a kiss. It was on the cheek,
                         but still.

                                   ANTHONY
                         No one should ever be forced to
                         kiss anyone.

                                   KYLE
                         I hope you remember that when Clara
                         pushes you away.

               Anthony gives Kyle a dirty look.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Look just because you are now the
                         odd man out you don't have to be a
                         dick...er...bigger dick then you
                         normally are.

                                   KYLE
                         I'm not the odd man out! I have
                         been dating a girl for a while now
                         so eat it bitch!

                                   KIM
                         Who is she?

               Kyle looks away and takes a big drink from his glass.

                                   JB
                         What she ugly or something?

               Lola punches JB in the arm.

                                   JB (CONT'D)
                         What, she might have a case of the
                         uglies.

                                   KYLE
                         She doesn't have a case of the
                         uglies!

                                   ANTHONY
                         Then what? You don't shy away from
                         anything, who is she?

               Kyle pauses.

                                   KYLE
                         I don't want any shit. I like this
                         one, she isn't going to end up in
                         the dumpster.

               Clara looks puzzled.

                                   CLARA
                         What's the dumpster?

                                   LOLA
                         Kyle has this dumpster where he was
                         dumped by a girl in the sixth
                         grade. Ever since then he takes
                         girls he is breaking up with back
                         to that same dumpster and dumps
                         them there.

                                   CLARA
                         Wow.

                                   KIM
                         Sick as fuck if you as me.

                                   KYLE
                         No ones asking you. Anyway, this
                         girl is cool and she is in college.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Yeah and?

                                   JB
                         Where did you meet her?

                                   KYLE
                         Booties.

               Lola spits her drink.

                                   ANTHONY
                         The strip club?

                                   CLARA
                         I didn't know you could meet women
                         at a strip club. I mean dateable
                         women.

                                   JB
                         Wait, is she a stripper?

               Kyle shakes his head.

                                   KYLE
                         Yes, but she started as a waitress
                         and then...

                                   LOLA
                         And then the manager said she had a
                         great body and should be a dancer.

               Kyle stares at Lola with a puzzled look on his face.

                                   KYLE
                         How the hell did you know that?

                                   LOLA
                         Megan right? Yeah, I know Megan
                         well, nice boobs.

               Clara stares at Lola.

                                   CLARA
                         How, what, what?

                                   LOLA
                         Sometimes I'm stressed after work
                         so I go to Booties and I met Megan
                         there.

               Anthony looks at JB.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Do you know this Megan?

                                   JB
                         No, I don't go to Booties, I go to
                         Sugar Walls.

               Clara puts her head in her hands.

                                   CLARA
                         I'm in the Twilight Zone.

                                   KYLE
                         Lola is right, Megan has great
                         boobs.

                                   ANTHONY
                         So you have no problem with her
                         being looked at or touched by tons
                         of men.

                                   KIM
                         Yeah, that's just sick.

                                   KYLE
                         She makes over a grand a night.

                                   KIM
                         And they're hiring you say?

                                   CLARA
                         This is all to much.

               Anthony puts his arm around Clara.

                                   ANTHONY
                         You will get used to it.

                                   CLARA
                         Will I?

                                   ANTHONY
                         No.

                                   KYLE
                         Look, she works there three nights
                         a week. The rest of the time she is
                         normal just like me.

                                   JB
                         You're not normal.

                                   KYLE
                         You know what I mean!

                                   KIM
                         I bust my ass and it takes a month
                         to see even part of that cash and
                         Megan makes it in three days. This
                         world is not fair.

                                   JB
                         God gives one woman triple D's and
                         another A cups, life isn't fair.

               Lola grabs JB's balls.

                                   JB (CONT'D)
                         No baby, no!

                                   CLARA
                         I have no stories or crazy people
                         like you guys do. How am I ever
                         going to fit in here?

                                   LOLA
                         That's not true, you have the story
                         about kicking Anthony in the face
                         when he was going down on you.

               Anthony turns pale.

                                   ANTHONY
                         You told the girls that?

                                   KYLE
                         So what you told the guys the
                         story.

               Clara smiles.

                                   CLARA
                         You're right, it doesn't matter.
                         Just say what you feel.

                                   KIM
                         I dunno...

                                   CLARA
                         No, no, you are right. I need to
                         express myself, be free, tell it
                         all.

               Anthony looks nervous.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Yeah...no....

                                   CLARA
                         Anthony was playing Fallout or
                         something and I was pretty horny,
                         so I began playing with him.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Clara no, please dont....

                                   CLARA
                         So I get him all hot and then, bam,
                         I pull his head down because he
                         knows what comes next!

               Lola smiles.

                                   KIM
                         No this is interesting.

               Anthony lowers his head.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Kill me now, Lord.

                                   CLARA
                         So he is going to town, doing a
                         great job, just like I taught him.

               Everyone at the table stares at Anthony.

                                   LOLA
                         So it was Anthony you taught!

               Kyle and JB laugh. Anthony slumps down in his seat.

                                   KIM
                         More, more!

                                   CLARA
                         So there is a problem. We had a big
                         meal and I felt... well I felt a
                         bit gassy.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Why did Irene miss us, why?

                                   CLARA
                         I didn't want to pull him away
                         because he was hitting the right
                         spot. But. I didn't want to blast
                         him either, I mean, we haven't been
                         dating that long.

                                   JB
                         You mean there is a gap between
                         smelling your girls gas and being
                         gas free. With Lola, she never gave
                         a sh-

               Lola  twists JB's balls.

                                   LOLA
                         This is her story!

                                   JB
                         Easy, easy!

                                   KYLE
                         So you blasted him?

               Anthony sits up straight and smiles.

                                   ANTHONY
                         You know, fuck it.

               Anthony looks at Clara.

                                   ANTHONY (CONT'D)
                         I'll finish the story. She held it
                         in.

               JB and Kyle groan.

                                   JB
                         Rip, or lack there of.

                                   ANTHONY
                         No, no. She held it in until I got
                         creative.

                                   KYLE
                         Oh shit!

                                   KIM
                         You, creative, how?

               Anthony sighs.

                                   ANTHONY
                         I tried to pick her up and flip her
                         onto her back to... you know.

               Clara blushes.

                                   ANTHONY (CONT'D)
                         I made her hit her head on the lamp
                         and then slammed her to hard onto
                         the bed.

                                   LOLA
                         Oh.

                                   ANTHONY
                         The thing is I slipped as well
                         during all this and my face landed
                         right between her legs as she...

                                   CLARA
                         Fired of a shot.

               Everyone at the table laughs.

                                   ANTHONY
                         It was funny and we still had sex.

               Kyle gives Anthony a high five.

                                   KYLE
                         My man!

                                   CLARA
                         That felt good to get out.

                                   KIM
                         The story or the fart?

                                   CLARA
                         Both.

               Everyone laughs.

                                   ANTHONY
                         This is what life is about. We are
                         all friends here and we can share
                         anything.

               Anthony looks at Kyle.

                                   ANTHONY (CONT'D)
                         We want stories about Megan. If she
                         is the one then we need to know.

               Kyle nods.

                                   KYLE
                         I'll do you one better. We will go
                         see her, right now at Booties.

               Lola smiles.

                                   LOLA
                         Great, let me get my strip club
                         clothes on.

                                   KIM
                         Maybe I can apply for a job.

                                   JB
                         I need to ice down my balls first.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Alright then, let's go to a strip
                         club.

               Kyle stands up and yells.

                                   KYLE
                         Onward Ho's! 

               TO BE CONTINUED
Spread the Obscure!

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