Dinner Theater: This is the end of an era

Dinner Theater 11

               THE DREIDEL JEWISH BAKERY - AFTERNOON

               Anthony and Kyle sit at large square table near the entrance
               of the small family owned bakery. Anthony stares at the
               display case filled with various baked goods. Kyle looks
               around at the numerous patrons coming and going from the
               store.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Dieting sucks. I remember the ass
                         hats that would tell me that all I
                         had to do to lose weight was
                         stopping eating Big Mac's. That's
                         bull-shit! I eat nothing but rabbit
                         food all day and work my ass off
                         for what? To lose two pounds a
                         week!

               Anthony looks at Kyle for encouragement. Kyle is still
               looking around nervously. 

                                   ANTHONY (CONT'D)
                         What's wrong with you?

               Kyle looks at Anthony.

                                   KYLE
                         I don't like it in here.

               Anthony flashes an evil grin.

                                   ANTHONY
                         What, do you think they will find
                         out about your German heritage and
                         attack you.

               Kyle flails his arms in Anthony's direction trying to get him
               to lower his voice.

                                   KYLE
                         Shut up man! Some of these people
                         would hang me.

               Anthony shakes his head.

                                   ANTHONY
                         This is a sad day for your people.

               Lola, Jonathan and Kim enter the store and walk over toward
               Anthony and Kyle.

                                   ANTHONY (CONT'D)
                         Where were you guys? We have been
                         here for over an hour.

                                   LOLA
                         Kim broke up with the fireman. She
                         was on the phone when we went to
                         pick her up.

               Kim looks at Lola upset she mentioned it.

                                   KYLE
                         Well, well, well. Did he finally
                         decide to embrace his gay side?

                                   KIM
                         No, just his asshole side. I don't
                         want to talk about it.

               Jonathan sits next to Anthony letting out a deep sigh.

                                   JONATHAN
                         You were talking about it all the
                         way here.

                                   ANTHONY
                         How about a change of topic to
                         liven things up. 

               Anthony thinks for a moment.

                                   ANTHONY (CONT'D)
                         How about the worst things you or
                         someone you were with have said
                         during or after sex.

                                   KYLE
                         Wouldn't you have had to had sex to
                         participate.

               Anthony pumps his fist at Kyle.

                                   KIM
                         No, I need to laugh. I'm game.

                                   JONATHAN
                         I don't need a condom. If you get
                         pregnant then I'll just perform a
                         surprise abortion?

                                   KIM
                         That's just sick...what's a
                         surprise abortion?

                                   JONATHAN
                         It's when you punch your girl in
                         the stomach and yell surprise.

               Kim puts her head in her hands.

                                   KIM
                         Why did I ask?

                                   KYLE
                         Pushing her down the stairs works
                         to.

               Everyone looks at Kyle.

                                   KYLE (CONT'D)
                         I don't know from personal
                         experience. I'm just saying...

               Hershel walks into the restaurant and over toward Anthony.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Oh shit! When did you get in town?
                         Wait? How did you know I was here?

                                   JONATHAN
                         Oh he was at Kim's house when we
                         arrived?

                                   ANTHONY
                         What?

                                   KIM
                         We are just friends.

               Anthony looks at Hershel.

                                   ANTHONY
                         You come into town and don't come
                         see me first.

               Hershel looks at Kim then Anthony.

                                   HERSHEL
                         Uh, her house was on the way.

                                   ANTHONY
                         No it's not!

                                   HERSHEL
                         The way I came it is.

               Anthony looks at Jonathan.

                                   ANTHONY
                         And you couldn't let me know
                         Hershel was here when you came in?

               Jonathan shrugs his shoulders.

                                   JONATHAN
                         I forgot.

                                   ANTHONY
                         How do you forget that?

                                   LOLA
                         He does that a lot. He forget's to
                         tell me he's cumming all the time.

               Everyone stares at Lola. Hershel smiles.

                                   HERSHEL
                         Yeah, in Chicago we call that a
                         surprise facial.

               Lola looks at Jonathan realizing what he has been doing.

                                   LOLA
                         You mother...!

               Lola grabs Jonathan's balls and beings twisting them.

                                   JONATHAN
                         I was into it, it wasn't on
                         purpose. No baby no!

                                   HERSHEL
                         I had sex with this Taiwanese chick
                         once. While I was pounding her she
                         would make these sounds. It sounded
                         like a ten year old girl crying.

                                   ANTHONY
                         That must have been a mood killer
                         huh?

                                   HERSHEL
                         No, why would you say that?

               Anthony rolls his eyes.

                                   KYLE
                         Things a girl might say to Anthony
                         before, during or after sex.

                                   ANTHONY
                         No!

                                   LOLA
                         For you it will cost double.

                                   JONATHAN
                         Is it in yet?

                                   KIM
                         I'm doing this for charity.

                                   HERSHEL
                         I know that position is possible
                         I've been with guys fatter than
                         you.

                                   KYLE
                         Is that even possible?

                                   ANTHONY
                         Fuck all you people.

                                   HERSHEL
                         I dated a girl and the first time
                         we had sex she was screaming and
                         totally into it when all of a
                         sudden out of no where she starts
                         crying. I ask her what's wrong and
                         she says her boyfriend use to hit
                         her. 

                                   LOLA
                         Damn, what did you do?

                                   HERSHEL
                         I hit her.

                                   KIM
                         What?!

                                   HERSHEL
                         Yeah, I fucked up. I thought she
                         was crying because I wasn't hitting
                         her. I was wrong.

                                   ANTHONY
                         I don't know how it is you have so
                         much sex.

                                   KIM
                         I know...

                                   ANTHONY
                         You've had sex in my bed before me,
                         my car, my shower, even on my prom
                         night.

                                   JONATHAN
                         So basically he has had more sex in
                         places personal to you than you
                         have had sex period.

               Anthony lowers his head.

                                   KYLE
                         You know what's worst? It's when
                         they cry afterwards. Unless that's
                         what you wanted.  

                                   LOLA
                         How could that be something you
                         would want?

                                   KYLE
                         Well like if she claims she can't
                         feel you and then you stick it in
                         her ass for retaliation and then
                         they let out a blood curdling
                         scream followed by deep sobbing.

               Everyone looks at Kyle. Hershel nods his head.

                                   HERSHEL
                         It's never happened to me, but I
                         understand where you are coming
                         from.

                                   ANTHONY
                         I should have never brought up this
                         subject.

               Lola looks at Kim.

                                   LOLA
                         You should have break-up sex with
                         the fireman.

                                   KIM
                         Why would I want to do that?

                                   LOLA
                         What, like you never had break-up
                         sex before.

                                   HERSHEL
                         I think everyone has.

                                   KYLE
                         Except Anthony.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Fuck you.

                                   KIM
                         I've had break-up sex, but not like
                         you are thinking.

                                   JONATHAN
                         I'm intrigued.

               Kim takes a deep breath.

                                   KIM
                         Once or twice I had sex with a guy
                         to decide if I would break up with
                         him or not. He just didn't score
                         enough points so I tapped him on
                         the shoulder and told him he was
                         done and we were though. 

               Lola smiles.

                                   JONATHAN
                         Wow the tap out, that's cold
                         blooded. I have a new respect for
                         you.

                                   KIM
                         (Sarcastically) Oh thank you.

               Kim smiles and looks toward Anthony.

                                   KIM (CONT'D)
                         So Hershel, are you a grower or a
                         shower?

                                   LOLA
                         What does that mean?

                                   HERSHEL
                         If you're a grower your penis may
                         look small but it grows when erect,
                         if you're a shower it is pretty
                         much at erect size all the time
                         even though you're soft. So what
                         you see is what you get. I'm both;
                         I'm pretty large while soft, and
                         even larger when hard.

               Kim blushes.

                                   KYLE
                         So I guess that makes Anthony a no
                         show.

               Everyone laughs.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Wrong! I have a ninja penis, it
                         stays hidden until it's ready to
                         strike.

                                   LOLA
                         Strike what, your hands?

                                   KIM
                         Now that's cold blooded.

                                   HERSHEL
                         I was drunk and trying to finger a
                         girl. After going at it for a while
                         without hearing her say anything I
                         screamed out, what the fuck is
                         wrong with your cunt. Her response
                         was that's not my cunt. I honestly
                         don't remember what happened after
                         that.

                                   ANTHONY
                         How do you not have an STD.

                                   KYLE
                         Or a crazy chick stalking you.

                                   HERSHEL
                         Who says I don't?

               Kim's expression changes to shock. Hershel smiles at her.

                                   HERSHEL (CONT'D)
                         I'm kidding, at least about the
                         STD.

               Kim stands from the table.

                                   KIM
                         Let's go somewhere else and talk.

               Hershel stands and follows Kim.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Hey! What about us? What about me?

               Hershel stops and looks back at Anthony.

                                   HERSHEL
                         I'll be around.

                                   KIM
                         I won't. Honestly, I need a break.
                         Maybe I'll see you guys again. 

               Kim and Hershel leave together.

                                   KYLE
                         I like that guy.

               Anthony turns toward Lola and Jonathan.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Well I guess she isn't going on the
                         cruse with us.

                                   LOLA
                         Oh yeah, about that. Listen, with
                         my new job and school and stuff we
                         just can't make it.

                                   JONATHAN
                         Sorry, it's just been crazy, but I
                         figure we can hang out every six
                         months or so.

               Anthony begins to panic.

                                   ANTHONY
                         Wait, wait! You can't leave. What
                         about the gang? What about sitting
                         around talking about nothing?

                                   LOLA
                         You still have Kyle.

               Kyle smiles.

                                   KYLE
                         You still have me.

               Lola and Jonathan stand.

                                   LOLA
                         Nothing lasts forever and besides,
                         sometimes you need to mix things up
                         or it get's old.

                                   JONATHAN
                         Yeah, like anal sex. Something it's
                         good to have it, you know, to mix
                         things up.

               Lola gives Jonathan a stern look.

                                   LOLA
                         I said no.

                                   ANTHONY
                         You guys are killing me. What do
                         you expect me to do? I can't sit
                         hear just talking to Kyle all day.

               Lola and Jonathan start walking toward the exit.

                                   JONATHAN
                         You always say what we do is like a
                         television show. So hire some new
                         cast members.

                                   LOLA
                         Don't worry, we'll make some
                         cameo's.

                                   JONATHAN
                         See you in about sixteen weeks.

               Jonathan and Lola exit. Anthony stares at Kyle.

                                   ANTHONY
                         New cast members?

                                   KYLE
                         I like the idea. We can hold
                         auditions.

                                   ANTHONY
                         This is the end of an era.

               Kyle stands and walks over to Anthony putting his arm around
               him.

                                   KYLE
                         Nah, not the end. Just the
                         begining.

 

Spread the Obscure!

Related Posts:

No comments.

Leave a Reply

*